Where do I begin?

Perhaps here:

Last Sunday (one week ago) I saw the biggest anthill I have ever seen in my life.

And it was full of red fire ants.

And according to the good natured church-going individual I was talking with... it was the least of my concerns.

On Tuesday we signed a lease on a house. A cute, relatively new, clean, 3 bedroom, 2 bath in a quiet little neighborhood. According to our neighbor there's not a bug problem. And the city sprays the street twice a week for mosquitoes. Perfect. (Or so I thought.)

Thursday I got our little house sprayed for bugs, just in case. And then took a walk down the street. Just myself, my two children, and a couple thousand mosquitoes.

Apparently "human" was the flavor of the day.

So I doused my posterity in insect repellent, and looked down to see all these cute li'l red fire ants weaving in, around, and among my toes. (luckily I was only bit once)

Since none of you were there I'll just say I calmly walked away. All dignified and such.

(But who am I kidding? The truth is more fun: I jumped atleast six feet high, landed on the sidewalk and sent my flip flop flying the opposite direction, all the while muttering sweet somethings [as opposed to sweet nothings] about dirty, dirty bugs.)

And that evening I found a couple cockroaches in my house. (Honestly? The one place I felt safe from fire ants and mosquitoes. )

But Friday's bugs all together and entirely topped Thursday's.

Friday, I was on the lookout.

As in searching for cockroaches.

A seek and destroy mission, if you will. Because here's the truth.

I'm afraid of bugs. As in... deathly afraid. As in... an entirely different me takes over.

But our furniture hasn't arrived yet: which means I'm sleeping my babes on the floor. The same floor that the dirty roaches traverse each night, looking for scraps we simply haven't left out. (give it up you dirty bugs.)

Fun fact? Just between you and me?

The cockroach is the state bird, flower, and tree of Louisiana.

So, yes. Although bugs send me orbiting through outerspace... the thought of bugs crawling over my children sends me to a new universe entirely. (Heaven forbid the two fears should ever actually combine. I would combust.)Back to searching. Unfortunately, I was finding lots of roaches. I was on my way to Mars, if we're talking orbiting here. After an evening of hand killing (as in lots of toilet paper between my hand and the bug) six or seven different cockroaches, I leaned down to view what looked like bug number eight......and cockroach number nine falls out of my hair.I orbited several times... and woke up both the kids.Add insult to injury? Okay.This morning I was snuggling with Robyn, and I found one crawling up my arm. I killed him with my bare hands, and had Steve get rid of the carcass. (...on my leg.)Gross?Then I won't even mention the (zillion) centipedes that keep finding their way into our house.Or the grasshoppers the size of small birds.Or the flying beetles that leave you with a bruise should you get in the way.But after all this...Does anyone have a cockroach/dirty bug story? Or a secret to getting rid of roaches? Currently I have two different kind of sprays (one is contracted, and the other is a do-it-myself type), a powder, and poisonous roach bait.None of the above? Then just say a little prayer that the bugs in our house will die a quick (is it too morbid to say painful?) death.Disclaimer: Mom, I'm trying my best to be positive about the situation. And I'm confident everything will turn out okay... I've really just never experienced anything like this before...